Weeks 16-17-18

The Little One is wiggling and moving. It's tiny punches and kicks are more frequent, but still unpredictable enough that every time I feel something, I hold my breathe and eagerly wait for more. Although I'm not generally granted my wishes for more movement, I am grateful. Only a few more weeks before we determine if our Little One will be a pink or blue Little One

A trip to the ER and lots of muscle spasms have consumed much of the last few weeks. It has been such intense pain, B has had to all but pick me up to help me move around. My inability to move like a normal person has been torture, but somehow ended up being a blessing in disguise.....down time=time with B.

I have felt a lot of "Am I ready for this?" feelings. My own doubts often try to cast shadows over what I know to be good and right. The adversary works in interesting and cruel ways and I am grateful for the strength to be able to see past them.

10 Loves

1. My mom. Really, do I need to explain this? Every girl needs a Mama like mine. She is way too hard on herself 99.7% of the time and takes very little credit for all that she does. I love her, she is amazing.
2. Big Sleeza. Because she is awesome. And hilarous. And feisty. And a rough, tough, cream puff. And I adore her.
3. Little Sleeza. Because she is awesome. And hilarous. And a fighter. And a tender heart. And I adore her.
4. Tasha. She is my sister in-law and quickly becoming one of my dearest friends. We have more in common than I had expected two years ago. She has become such an awesome support system for me. I am so grateful for her and that we both get to experience this wonderful weirdness called pregnancy for the first time, at the same time.
5. The fact that my 3 kiddos now favor my husband over me. Normally, I would be saddened by this. But actually, it makes me swoon.
6. Casch calling Brandon "Bandy."
7. Audio books. They make long drives infinitely more bearable.
8. My step dad...I have so much respect and gratitude for him. There are no words to describe how happy I am that he found my mom, that he is willing to take care of his kids, even though three of those kids aren't actually his. I just love him.
9. The Internet...so that I can constantly reassure myself that weird little feelings in pregnancy are actually big fat nothings.
10. Watching my husband play "Monster Under the Bed" with my three kiddos...while he is literally hiding under a crib. It does my heart so much good.

Happy Thursday

Weeks 14-15

The earlier months of morning sickness and exhaustion given way to second trimester allergies and even more exhaustion. Strong aversions to food in general turned into a growing appetite but with still very few food items that are even remotely appealing. Emotions are settling and I am growing more in love with the idea of motherhood.

Little, tiny, fists and feet have made themselves evident in the form of bubbles popping. They have been faint and irregular with the exception of one swift kick two nights ago while I was drifting off to sleep.

Little kidney's are now functioning, facial expressions are working, and lungs have begun to develop. I am fascinated by the capabilities of my body, its ability to create and nurture without my even having to think about it. I am amazed, wholly and completely amazed.

Hey..

gap_girl44? I noticed you follow my blog, I was just wondering who you are? Have we met? Are we friends and I just don't recognize your handle? If so, how terrible of me to not know...

Oh, Mary.

Every morning at work, Mary pops her head into my office and says, "Hi, Momsy!" Her greeting is often accompanied by some sort of delicious treat, homemade salsa or guacamole, a piece of fruit, chocolate truffles from the chocolate factory here, or a piece of chocolate pecan pie...this only quickly escalating her status as one of my favorites here.

I just adore her.

Mary is a retired vet nurse. Yes, she served in the war, and is an Americorp volunteer. She spends roughly 35 hours a week volunteering for various places and programs, while taking care of her Alzheimer addled husband, is a devout Catholic, and is a gourmet baker/cook/chef. No kidding. Her pies win somewhere around $5,000 a year.

She has gumption. The really good kind. She is just about the sweetest person I have ever met but is able to command the respect of 24 adolescent criminals, whom she refers to as "The little darlin's."

Whenever I'm sick or my allergies are kicking into high gear or I'm really missing Brandon, she tells me she'll light another candle for me. I don't have any idea of the significance of lighting a candle, but her gesture touches me so much, it nearly makes me cry. And if the problems don't seem to subside, she sighs and shakes her head and says, "Well, looks like I'm going to have to expand my candle budget this month."

Really, her faith is inspiring. Her attitude is something to be studied. Her food, quite drool worthy. Her kindness and compassion, touching. Her sense of humor, completely endearing. I aspire to attain her tenderness.

We need more Mary's in the world.

Common Threads

I remember my dad this way.


I'm not sure how many nearly identical pictures there are of him like this, but I know there are a lot.


I sit wiping away my tears as I look at this. It is one of those cruel moments where his absence weighs so heavily on me that it becomes hard to breath, where his death seems so unnecessary, so cruel, and as if my tiny family is cheated out of the happiness and experiences that my dad's presence would have brought to our Little One.

My dad loved babies. Babies loved him. I always thought that this spoke volumes about the true character and spirit of my dad, and I believe this to be true of all men. It was, in fact, this very quality that took me from in-like to completely smitten with Brandon. I cherish this for so many reasons. Its like my dad and Brandon are kindred in this way. It makes me think, more than ever, that my dad had a little something to do with B and I finding each other. It was like he knew that since he wouldn't be here to love his grand babies with a tenderness I can never achieve so he found for me a man who possessed the same qualities he had to love our babies the way they would need it.

I will always remember my dad this way....I eagerly wait to see my husband this way.

So, today my love for my dad and Brandon have a common thread. Their fatherly qualities are so similar in such beautiful ways, it is beyond touching. Their abilities to love are limitless.

I am so very blessed.