Thursday, December 30, 2010
Posted by Julie at 10:31 PM
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Posted by Julie at 2:21 PM
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Posted by Julie at 9:58 AM
Friday, November 19, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
So, I missed a few days. I've been busy.
Posted by Julie at 6:01 PM
Friday, November 12, 2010
Posted by Julie at 10:43 AM
Thursday, November 11, 2010
*Movies with my husband.
Posted by Julie at 12:30 PM
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
*People who make my family happy.
Posted by Julie at 4:21 PM
Monday, November 8, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Posted by Julie at 2:44 PM
Friday, November 5, 2010
*Good conversation with awesome ladies.
Posted by Julie at 7:06 PM
Thursday, November 4, 2010
*Olivia's home health respiratory therapist who is going way above and beyond what she is required to do.
Posted by Julie at 5:40 PM
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
*Windows that are finally starting to slowly open.
Posted by Julie at 12:34 PM
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
*The husband's completely amazing ability to forgive and then actually forget. (Seriously, it's one of his best qualities.
Posted by Julie at 1:00 PM
Monday, November 1, 2010
*My Relief Society president.
*A silly husband.
*A snuggling baby.
*Forgiving yoga pants.
Posted by Julie at 7:10 PM
Saturday, October 30, 2010
The other night, I carefully tried to get into bed without disturbing my sleeping husband. He'd gone to bed early with a terrible headache and I moved quietly to avoid waking him and despite my efforts he woke anyway.
He lifted his head a little, rolled over to my side of the bed and opened his arms, motioning for me to crawl into his arms and I happily obliged.
He wrapped his arms around me and drifted back to sleep as I lay there I thought about this last year; how hard it's been, how very difficult it has been, how much uncertainty there has been. SO much uncertainty.
But there has been one thing I haven't questioned, that I am completely certain of. The love, comfort, and safety of the man lying next to me. I love my husband in ways both so very simple and so very complex. I adore this man. I completely love this man. And I know he loves me.
Of that, I am completely certain.
Posted by Julie at 8:04 PM
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Olivia has been battling breathing and airway issues since birth. She has always been squeaky and made a stridor noise while breathing and often turns blue when she cries. We knew very shortly after she was born that she had laryngomalacia, an issue we were told could take up to 2 years to correct itself. So we have always attributed her noises and lack of oxygen during hysterics to that.
.... we are going to be just fine.
Posted by Julie at 2:48 PM
Monday, August 30, 2010
Posted by Julie at 7:14 PM
Saturday, August 28, 2010
This morning I took Liv for an early morning jog. The dew of summer is gone and has been replaced with the crispness that assures me that fall is near. I have more eagerly anticipated the seasons changing this last year. They approached with the promise of new milestones, growth, potential, changes, the chance to move forward; all things I so desperately need and crave right now in life. However, this year has been hard. Just really, really hard. All the changes new seasons have promised have failed me. Many doors have closed in our faces, health compromised, frustrations have been all-consuming, promises made to us only to be broken, and there is the feeling of being completely cemented in place.
Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot f time running around shouting that he has been robbed. Most putts don't drop. Most beef is tough. Most children grow up to be just people. Most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration. Most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old-time journey-- delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride..
Posted by Julie at 9:54 AM
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Posted by Julie at 6:47 PM
Thursday, August 5, 2010
A few weeks ago, I started a job doing legal transcription. I was excited by the idea of it being a step away from medical, something interesting and different. When my editor sent me my second case, I was intrigued by the idea of it being a murder case and set straight to work.
Posted by Julie at 9:12 PM
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
** I don't know how many times a day my internal monologue says, "Oh, don't mind me. I'm just the mom," when encountering strangers, non-strangers, and really, no one necessarily particular.
Posted by Julie at 10:26 PM
Friday, July 16, 2010
This week is basically over and I'm not sure I have entirely recovered from last weekend and I'm still gearing up for Girl's Camp next week. Yeah, Girl's Camp. Did I not mention I got called to be the Assistant Director? Well, I did....last Sunday.
Last weekend started with Livi's ENT appointment to check her laryngomalacia, hearing, and evaluate her for tubes. While her larynx is doing well (still squeaky, but she is thriving), her hearing tested on the very lowest level of "normal," and the ENT wanted to wait and see if she got anymore ear infections over the summer (as if having 7 since March was not a big deal, but I digress). Sigh. At the doctor, she seemed her happy, healthy, normal self.
Fast forward 9 hours....I had just returned home from a night out with a friend to discover Liv had a fever of 103.8 and began projectile vomiting all over me over and over again. After the 6th time she vomits on me, I set her down to grab a towel to clean us off and I can see she pushing something around in her mouth. I stick my finger in her mouth to extract the offending object only to discover.....it's a penny. A PENNY. I stood there horrified at the thought that not only did she swallow a penny and not choke, but she threw it back up and didn't choke either. Tears flooded my eyes as I realized that someone is watching over my baby, keeping her safe, and was immediately overwhelmed with gratitude. Shortly after, I was rushing her to the ER with fears of more swallowed coins and dehydration consuming my mind. Six and a half hours, 1 catheter, 1 x-ray, a few test, and an IV to hydrate her we were home again. I had been awake for 26 hours and was completely exhausted. I had been sick for a few days and this seemed to only exaggerate the problem.
Sunday morning rolled around and I had every intention of staying home with Liv to help in our recovery, but that didn't happen. An hour before church, the Bishop called and asked if B and I would come in and meet with him. We obliged and 30 minutes later we were sitting across from him. He seemed a little antsy as he asked if I would accept the calling as assistant camp director.
Sure! I said, to which he replied, "Oh good, camp is the 19th -23rd, next week."
My jaw hit the floor. And a flurry or camp meetings, phone calls, and projects later I am now "unofficially" the DIRECTOR and in charge of everything.
B had to leave town for training and luckily Haley had arranged to come visit for a few days. As always, she saved me. Thank goodness for good sleezas.
Liv is now sick again. I'm exhausted and ready to face plant. Ugh.
Posted by Julie at 9:39 PM
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Weight: 21 lbs 1 oz
Ear Infections: 7
Sleeping: Through the night for the last week and a half!
Naps: Usually 2, sometimes just 1.
Words: Mama, Dada, Ba, Ga, Ta, Wa, Fa, Sss, Rah, Puh, Yeh, and a series of different combinations of those. (She has inadvertently said "Yeah" and "Hot" but I am positive those were not intentional.)
Happy: Practically always.
Sad: Rare and brief.
New Likes: Enchanted, Lady GaGa (My child? Really?) Ray LaMontagne (Definitely my child.), pancakes, sleeping with her bum in the air, Dr. Ello (her pediatrician) , waving, being SUPER flexible (I swear to you, she can do the splits).
New Dislikes: Most food, when I leave the room, napping at church, goose eggs, helmets, motorcycles, spherical things in general, cold things.
Signs: Milk......but nothing else. We are working on many, but she is having some "sensory" issues we are working through.
Favorite People: Dad and Mom. In that order.
Friends: Sydney D., Gavin D., Gavinn O., Dallace W.
Loved: By basically everyone.
Posted by Julie at 6:34 PM
Friday, July 2, 2010
The husband and I haven't had a lot down/alone/together time in the last few months so a few days ago we found a sitter for Liv and made our way to Silverwood, a theme park in Idaho. I know what you're thinking....a theme park? In Idaho? I know, not exactly what comes to mind when one thinks of Idaho but I was pleasantly surprised. I was eager for a break (we were gone 15 and 1/2 hours and it was officially the longest I have been away from Olivia), and even more eager for a break with my hubs. After we rode the roller coasters, we spent many hours at their water park soaking up the gorgeous weather. Disneyland its not, but it has a few more than decent roller coasters and a water park. It was a fun day, and I wasn't disappointed. Even though I was so grateful for a break, it didn't stop us from coming home and waking Livi up just so we could see her....we REALLY missed her. (By the way, we were dopes and didn't take a single picture. Sad, eh?)
While there, we meandered into a candy shop and I found this.....A Clark Bar. I have wanted to try one of these foreeeeeever. They are impossible to find, so I was more than delighted to find one. It didn't disappoint, either.
So where do silver cars fit into this equation? Well, that's how we got to said theme park....in our newly purchased......
Mazda 3! Since we no longer reside in a state that requires serious 4 wheel drive (glory hallelujah!), we down-sized from the Escalade and got this lovely. I am soooo beyond thrilled.I love it. LOVE it.
Thank you husband for a good week. Thank you Tasha for babysitting. Thank you Idaho for not being as lame as I had thought.
Posted by Julie at 9:26 PM
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Posted by Julie at 8:14 PM
Friday, May 14, 2010
Um, likely not. She's already scared of the ball.
And seriously, I'm not taking pleasure in torturing my child....it's all in the name of a memory, right?
Posted by Julie at 7:20 PM
Sunday, May 9, 2010
This is my mama. (She just turned 50. I know. Gorgeous.)
She is pretty amazing. No, seriously. She is. I come from a long line of incredibly strong women, and my mom is no exception. She has been through enough in her life to fill two lifetimes and then some.
I could go on and on about her kindness and strength and all her amazing qualities for days, but really, anyone can see these things about her. Her goodness is obvious. But what is most important to me, what I know about my mom is this:
Her faith has never faltered. Her relationship with the Lord is beautiful. She has never questioned her Savior, let her testimony waver, or doubt our Heavenly Father's love. Ever.
This unbending faith has been the best thing she has ever done for me.
Tears come to my eyes thinking about this; thinking about trials she endured with my dad, raising 3 teenage daughters, providing for us, giving us everything we needed when she probably did without, what she had to do alone, the fact that she still beats herself up for things she had no control over, having to fear things alone, to fight alone.....all of it...I don't know how she did it and still managed to keep her faith intact.
Mom, you did good. You really, really did.
Happy Mother's/Birthday! Thank you a million times over. You amaze me.
Posted by Julie at 11:38 AM
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Last night, like most nights, just before bed, Brandon and I stood over Olivia's crib soaking in the sweetness of our little baby. He touched her face, then I touched her face and we tip-toee out and into our room to settle down for the night. Prayers were said, scriptures read and we lay there curled up and talking about this and that.
Thinking about Liv I said, as I have said many times before, "Sometimes when I see her sleeping so peacefully like that, I just want to go get her and bring her into bed with us."
Brandon paused a moment, leaped out of bed and moments later walked back into our room, swaying back and forth and cradling Olivia. I watched him as he held her close for awhile before gently laying her between us, nestling her in the crook of my arm.
We lay there, the three of us, watching her sleep, bonding so quietly, so tenderly. I felt so overcome with love for my little family.
As Brandon and I drifted off to sleep I thought about all the many times things like this have happened. For whatever reason, the simple action of Brandon bringing her into our bed seemed a bit more profound and the tenderness in his actions spoke so loudly about the man I chose to spend eternity with, I felt myself fall a bit more in love with him.
I love him, I really love him.
Posted by Julie at 7:50 PM
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
#2 through #7- The SIL's : Taunya, Rachel, Andrea, Brooke, and Tasha. Collectively they are quite the group. They are fun, interesting, smart, hilarious, and awesomely quirky and each one holds a special place in my life. This last year has been particularly special as Brooke, Tasha, and I all gave birth within two days of one another. I completely and utterly adore these two women (well, I adore all of them). We have been able to spend a lot of time together since I moved here, partly in thanks to daily morning workouts/venting/bonding sessions. Their friendships are therapeutic, needed, and loved. I share so much with them, they are truly some of my dearest friends and I could not be more pleased to call them my family and my friends.
10-Ginny....ok, so honestly, Ginny and I have never actually met (cause she lives in Arizona, sadly), but that is sort of irrelevant. Brandon knows her and again, thanks to the Internet, we became a part of each other's lives. We were also pregnant at the same time and had many, many, many conversations during and since our pregnancies. Basically, we are so alike its kind of alarming. Even our babies are alike. It's so weird. I have had so many honest, tender, and completely open conversations with her about almost anything you could think to talk about. I value her advice, which is always spot on. I admire her example and envy her talents and just love her to pieces.
Posted by Julie at 9:32 PM
Saturday, May 1, 2010
*She has had 4 ear infections in the last 6 weeks.
*She prefers to hold her own bottle and feed herself.
*She'll ham it up for your attention....and then ignore you.
*She has a definite sense of humor.
*She says Da Da, much to her daddy's delight.
*She doesn't crawl, but don't think she isn't mobile. She scoots around on her back like nobody's business.
*Strings, ribbon, paper, spoons, and mylar ballons are her absolute favorite toys. Hands down.
*We had a 2 week long trip to Utah and Colorado, where Olivia ruptured her eardrum. Sigh.
*She still squeaks.
*She is so, so wiggley.
*She has learned to protest.
*She smakes her lips and clicks her tongue like crazy (ok, she has been clicking for 4 months now, but its still hilarious).
*She whispers. I know.
*She will sometimes turn the pages of books before trying to eat them.
And now for picture overload.......
Posted by Julie at 6:20 PM
Thursday, April 29, 2010
*Marching band's make me emotional. I honestly have no idea why.
*I may or may not have an old "comfort" item from may childhood that I may or may not have given to Olivia when I found a replacement.
*The warm weather is making me nostalgic for my cute/comfy summer maternity clothes, therein making me miss my round belly, but am in no way baby hungry again.
*Sometimes I think I don't try hard enough.
*My husband let me sleep for nearly 3 hours yesterday and then sent me to get a manicure and pedicure while he stayed home and played with Livi. He knew how badly I needed it without my saying a word. It made me kiss him a lot.
*When babies babble, it makes me cry. Not even just my baby (well, especially my baby), but other babies, too.
*When something good happens I still often reach for my phone to call my dad, even now 6 years since he died.
*I may have an unhealthy obsession with cake.
*I miss/need my mom at some point every single day.
*B voluntarily watched Ghost last night. I'm pretty sure he loved it.
*Brittney needs to teach me about football. Nichelle needs to teach me how to communicate specifically. Tasha needs to teach me to make ice cream. I'm certain these things will make me a more well-rounded person.
*Lately I feel like I have to ask permission for a lot of things, even though I don't actually have to. I think that means I'm having personal space issues in our current situation. I think I need to get over it.
*I like rules and instructions, I follow them devotedly. I don't sway from recipes. I don't toe the line. I like boundaries. I DO NOT, however, like being told what to do by those who have not earned the right to have a say in my life. Perhaps this is related to said personal space issues.
*I love Glee. I would have auditioned this last week like the rest of the nation, but I have unfortunately crossed the threshold of being "too old."
*That being said, I did not love Glee this week.
*I know a lot of secrets at the moment. Like, a lot a lot. Kinda makes me feel empowered. Is that bad?
Posted by Julie at 8:39 PM
Sunday, April 4, 2010
I mean really. I loved reading about pregnancy when I was carrying my little one. I was completely mesmerized by what was happening within the confines of my own body. I read everything and anything I could get my hands on. I didn't like much of the material, particularly What To Expect When You're Expecting (actually, I hated that one) and a few other standards, and I was constantly searching for the ultimate pregnancy book. Yesterday while perusing the library I stumbled upon this in the new release section. I love the "You" books. Love them, own them all. So you can imagine how ecstatic I was to find this. So ecstatic, in fact, that I brought it home with me.
Pregnant again? Nope. Still reading it anyway? Yep.
It has not disappointed me.
Posted by Julie at 11:28 AM
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
It might have been Monday morning, or Tuesday. I have lost track at this point. Liv's fever had spiked so high. So high she began having a seizure. Within moments, we were in the car flying back to the emergency room for the 3rd time in 5 days. Shaking and trembling, I gave the nurse our name and waited to be called.
Olivia's soft sobs turned into gasping hysterics. Thankfully, a blessed nurse heard her gasping and was alarmed enough by it she rushed us back without having to wait for the dozen or so people ahead of us.
They checked her oxygen. Low. So low. Steroid treatments, breathing treatments, chest x-rays, hundreds of tears. Admission.
We held her. Snuggled her. Loved her.
Posted by Julie at 7:35 PM
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Posted by Julie at 9:22 PM
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Posted by Julie at 10:30 AM
Friday, March 5, 2010
- Dear Economy,
- Please stop sucking. Thanks.
- Dear Doctors of the World,
- Enunciate. It's imperative I understand you.
- Dear Husband,
- I've been a crap wife lately. I'll be back to normal next week. Thanks for understanding.
- Dear Shaun-T,
- I love you....but then, I hate you.
- Dear Lost,
- You confuse me. I'll miss you when you are gone.
- Dear Ms. X #1,
- Stop stealing my words. I'm on to you.
- Dear Ms. X #2,
- I do not care. So, why do you?
- Dear Sleezas,
- I miss you. Come play.
- Dear Momma,
- I miss you. Just move here, ok?
- Dear Laundry,
- Do yourself. That would be great.
- Dear Esophagogastroduodenoscopy,
- You have too many syllables. I'm just sayin.
- Dear JaLee,
- I'm happy my dream is comin' true. I'm so happy about Aubrey!
- Dear Neflix,
- You are a brilliant idea.
- Dear Complete Strangers,
- Quit inquiring about my fertility. I don't like explaining myself.
- Dear Ms. X #3 & #4,
- You are idiots. Big ones.
- Dear N, L, T, A, T, S, B, H, K, A,
- You guys are pretty dang important. I hope you know that.
- Dear Tri-Cities,
- Continue to have winters like this. It makes me love you.
- Dear Spring,
- Hurry faster.
Posted by Julie at 7:39 PM
Monday, March 1, 2010
I made the awesome discovery that Olivia likes paper. She is completely amused and enthralled by it. At first I think, Fine by me, cheap toy! So very simple and it keeps her captivated for a rather lengthy amount of time (for a 6 month old).
Wow, I hurrah to myself. I'm brilliant!
This afternoon on the way home from running some errands, Olivia gets a bit fussy. So what do I do? Give her a piece of paper. Cause she likes it. And I'm awesome to think of it. And it makes her happy.
We pull up to a stoplight and I glance back to check on the little miss and this is what I find.....
That's right. She ate it. Like, a lot of it. ( In my defense, she didn't eat all that as I found little pieces stuck to her face and straps of her carseat.)
Posted by Julie at 8:11 PM
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Posted by Julie at 3:54 PM
Monday, February 15, 2010
I am having a moment. A moment where I feel like I'm spinning, its hard to focus, and I am losing balance. Balance in every aspect and I am fighting to keep my eye on my steady horizon.
So much anxiety, I'm in a vise, and breathing becomes labored and painful. I don't know how to make all this work.
I don't know how to be the friend I need to be to all the people that need me. I don't know how to be there in the ways I want to be without offending, without neglecting someone else, without stepping on unnecessary toes. I don't know how to keep the closeness without leaving something else behind. I don't know that if I give what is needed that I will ever get it back.
I don't know how to push forward without falling. My feet feel cemented in place. I'm fighting and pulling and tearing, but I am stuck. I don't know how I am to get what I need to keep my balance when I'm not allowed to move forward. I don't know how to do and provide and create cemented in place.
I don't know if, as a mom, I am doing enough. But I don't know how to do more and I find my inadequacy alarming. This breaks me.
I don't know if, as a wife, I am being what my husband needs. I am terrified I will turn into something that holds him back or brings him down. I don't know how to fight any harder against that fear without being consumed by it. I don't know if I am giving enough, if I am enough.
So much I don't know, so much I am uncertain about, that I am trying to fix, fighting to fix, but somehow the tools to do so keep slipping from my hands and I find myself fumbling around in the dark hope to find one.
Like I said, I'm having a moment. I pray it passes soon. But in the meantime, I needed to be real for a minute. The "real" quality has been missing and I need more real moments. They help the balance. They help it feel a lot less lonely and keep me from toppling over.
Posted by Julie at 4:47 PM
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Posted by Julie at 7:42 PM