I want to get really mad.
And throw things.
And scream.
And stomp my feet.
And yell obscenities.
And kick the door.
And do the "ugly cry."
And growl.
Till my face turns red.
But I don't.
Cause there is not point.
It won't get me anywhere, anyway.
And I act like a mature adult.
But boy, do I really want to.
It's not easy to forget, nor is it hard to ignore what this is....
A garbled, tangled, mess. That's what it is.
The last 365 days, breathing in, breathing out. Waiting, waiting, waiting. That isn't to say that this garbled, tangled, mess isn't valid. Its very valid.
It has made us stronger. And if that is not the point, I'm not sure what is.
As husband and wife, we prayed, we inquired, we knowingly walked this road, but still not knowing that this road would extend so far. We've had no warnings. But we have had blessings. Blessings that I pick up along the way and carry in my hands, careful not to crush them. The tender mercies, the added sweetness to our marriage, the appreciation we may not have discovered otherwise, all protected, guarded, and cared for. Things that tell me, that tell us, that all this sacrifice has not gone unnoticed by Him.
We are being cared for.
And while this garbled, tangled, mess weaves in unpredictable patterns, new doors are appearing. New windows are opening. As exciting or new as they may seem, they scare me no less than what is happening now, but I remember that we are solid, we are happy, we are not unnoticed.
We are being cared for.
lindsey: cause she is awesome. and i've known her, like, a bazillion years. and she is hysterical and honest. i can count on her for anything. and she is a bestie, a sister, and a kindred spirit.
nichelle: cause we may as well be related. she gets it. ALL of it. and i love her for that. and her heart is fantastically huge. and she says its "ok" when i'm being melodramatic. and i'm pretty sure she has super powers.
sara: cause she is solid and unwavering. we laugh at nothing and bond over documentaries. she is my little ball of sunshine. And she will listen to me...for hours. she is amazing.
steve: cause its hard not to love this mug. he is honest. he not only listens but he actually HEARS what you say. he is ridiculously hysterical. and he is just an all around good egg.
Exhausted and spent,
husband tiptoes in.
He covers his wife
with an extra blanket.
He cradles her sleeping head.
He cradles her swollen belly.
Husband holds his wife
and whispers,
"My whole world
is right here, in my arms.
My. Whole. World."
Who goes camping at 6 and 1/2 months pregnant?
I do. And you know what? It was fun!
We packed up our camping gear (and by "we" I mean Brandon, I merely supervised) and headed for Yellowstone. B had a few days off and we wanted to make the most of them.
People have been so surprised that I dared venture out camping this far along, but really, it was no big deal. I slept better than I had in weeks (even though it snowed one night), we saw a gazillion animals (including a bear cub darting across the road in front of us), I got to be alone with the hubby, and be totally disconnected from everything else. Loved. It.
What didn't I love? Well...B had to literally push my keister up very mildly inclined, paved walkways, and I got to see a fully body shot of my prego self for the first time. Not. Amused. And the day we went to see Old Faithful was ridiculously overcast and rainy, making the steam and water coming out of the geyser blend in with the sky. We were less than impressed, but what can ya do?
But, like I said, I really enjoyed myself. No, really. I did!
Yeah, we were this close to a bison. Or is it a buffalo? Eh, who cares, we didn't get gored so its ok.
Love the scenery. The canyon is nice, too.
Brandon and me...looking hefty.
Movements steadily developing, stronger, much more fierce. Her lungs growing stronger, preparing to fill my days with cries and laughter. Her baby fat has begun to fill in, making her all the more ready for her Auntie's to "squish" her.
I'm steady and unsteady. Terrified and excited. So ready and so not.
B rubs my tummy, whispering so sweetly, "Olivia Jane." I choke back tears, he is already better at this than I am and I love him all the more for it. We pray for her, we love her...this sweet little spirit whom we don't even know yet. We are slowly changing from "couple" to "family," and it feels right.
My Granny K always says, "You aren't really loved unless you have a nickname." I have about a hundred, which must mean I'm loved. A lot. I was tickled and amused as Brandon and I were dating, to learn that had about twice as many nick-names as I did. I took this as a good sign.
I have since added several of my own nicknames to his ever growing list and he has added to mine, which I won't share as to keep the gag inducing cutesy stuff at bay. But these two are my favorites:
Bubbs/Bubba: Bubbs to his siblings, Bubba to the nieces and nephews. My first interaction with my future nieces and nephews was on my first trip to Washington. He wanted to introduce me to his siblings and we went to his sister Taunya's house. Within seconds of her cracking open the door, her kiddos came barreling down the stairs screaming, "Uncle Bubba's here! Uncle Bubba's here!" He then proceeded to plop down on the ground where they crawled all over him, wrestled him, and exhausted themselves to the point of breathlessness. A repeat performance of this at his brother Dustin and SIL Andrea's house had me completely hooked and my heart strings all a titter. 
Brother Husband: I have sisters. Really good ones. And, well, we are sort of a package deal. We are protective of one another, that's never changed. Just ask Mr. Erickson, Haley's old math teacher who got a colorful earful from Katie when he made Haley cry. It's just the way we are. I was understandably nervous to introduce them to Brandon, because if they didn't like him, well....sucks to be him. Thank goodness they adore him. I mean, really, how could they not? He has become the big brother they never had, and he loves them they way a big brother would. The name Brother Husband suits him and it makes this sister so very happy.
Oh how I love my multi-named husband.
